But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
