i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
