And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
