What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
and i looked up. we had an audience...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
