I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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