wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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