I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
