just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
