Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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