I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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