will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
