Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
