She said her name was "party"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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