Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
