You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
