I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
