I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize