My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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