I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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