after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
