Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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