so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
