I will die if light touches me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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