I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
