this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
