u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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