i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
