Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
