you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
