dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
