i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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