I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
