it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
