I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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