Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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