Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize