I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
