Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
