I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize