Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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