I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
