does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's shark week go big or go home
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
