Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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