Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
