So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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