2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
