also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
