im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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