Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
