Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
