I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
