Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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