just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
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Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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