Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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