Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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