Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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