Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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