dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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