she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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