do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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