I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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