My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
