franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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