New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
