now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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