your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
