Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My ass is underappreciated
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
