I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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