he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
