Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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