Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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