I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just pee around me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
