I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
