Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
