If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
