Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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