Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
