you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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