She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
