nutella sex= disaster
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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