Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
